Monday, May 16, 2011

A Night at the Club

Because we are all kinds of cool up in this house, our resident grocery-bagger decided he wants to go to nightclubs after work. He gets off of work at 10 pm and hears other employees discussing going "clubbing" and he wants so desperately to fit in. And bless his heart, he is just so socially awkward that he's likely never going to be in the "in crowd" of the grocery store employees (if such a group exists). He did ask one girl out - the story of which could have it's own blog entry complete with him wanting to dress up in costume so she wouldn't recognize him; to making up a name as a secret admirer; and finally to writing secret notes and trying to have Lowell deliver them (I can just see explaining to our friends and family why my husband is in jail for soliciting a minor!) - and she was very sweet when she declined. But I digress.

So a couple of nights ago, Lowell picks him up after work and he says he wants to go to a certain nightclub that he overheard some people talking about. He tells Lowell where it is, and Lowell, knowing full well that there is no nightclub at this address, drives there anyway in an attempt to put an end to the nightclub discussion. However, once they got there and there was no club, Lowell was asked if he would drive around to look for it. So as they are driving down the street, they discover another club. Grocery-boy gets really excited and stops to ask somebody if they know where the other club is. They don't. But lo and behold it's "one dollar cover charge night" there so he goes on in while Lowell waits for him in the van. While he is inside, Lowell googles the place and gets a good chuckle when he sees this written on the website: "genre: gay/lesbian". He really laughs when said guy comes back out and says, "I'm gonna hang out in there for a while, but if I pick up a girl and come out with her, will you be cool and all?" Lowell promises to be "cool and all" about it, but the idea of this guy going into a gay/lesbian nightclub and emerging with an interested female is crazy enough. But to think that he would actually meet someone who would be willing to come with him to meet his STAFF is downright laughable.

He stays in there for seriously over an hour. All the while Lowell is texting me. He's waved to a couple people from church who were out walking their dog. We know that every time they see us from now on, they will be wondering if they should fill me in on the fact that my husband hangs out in front of gay nightclubs. And I won't be able to stop laughing.

When he finally comes out (no pun intended), he says to Lowell, "I had to leave. There weren't any women worth picking up. The band was good, but the men just announced how long they'd been married. Men are married. The men in the band are married!"

At least he figured it out. And it only took him an hour. And a huge club-wide announcement. And we seem to have gotten the "want to go to a nightclub bug" completely out of our system. So I guess it was worth it!