After the big elopement excitement on Monday had calmed, we talked to our runner about the importance of staying home, talking about his feelings, and not just taking off where we are having to chase him or call the police. He told us that it is stupid to call the police, because he always comes home, and they are going to eventually turn it around on us and arrest for making a fake call to them. I don't think he quite gets that we are responsible for him and that if we do not know where he is, it is our job to call the police and it is their job to know we aren't kidding.
We worked through several different scenarios with him, then we started talking about how we feel and what we do when we don't know where other people in our life are. Lowell talked about how he would call the police if I were missing, or if Joshua wandered off and we didn't know where he was. It's not that we don't trust people to come home, it's just that when you are responsible for and care about someone, it's important to know where they are. Lowell went so far as to say that if the weekend staff didn't come in, he would call them, then call their home, and then contact the police if necessary. We were trying to make him understand that it wasn't because he wasn't capable of being out alone, just that it's not necessarily the most responsible thing to do - wandering off.
So on Tuesday, we had a meeting at the house with a lady from Joblink, who is going to try to get this guy a job (which we can all agree he needs). We were there with the case manager and were waiting on our supervisor. She was supposed to be there early so we could discuss some other issues, yet she was not there at the time the meeting was to start, so Lowell starts in on how worried he is about her. The case manager and I understand that he is just driving in the point a little on how we worry about everybody who isn't where they are supposed to be. So we join in and we go a little overboard. We tried to call her and text her, but unfortunately got no response, so we had to continue our little "worry charade." Lowell says, "I'm going out to look for her" and walks out the door. And we were honestly getting a little concerned, but not where we would call in a search party had we not been banging this idea into his head.
A few minutes later, the Joblink woman shows up. Lowell comes in a few minutes later, and she looks at him and says, "Weren't you just standing at the corner a minute ago?" Well, yeah, he was, cause you know if someone is missing and we go stand on the corner, maybe we'll see them, right? Isn't that the first thing you do when you can't find someone, walk down to the corner? So this woman has no idea why we are being so overly dramatic about someone being a few minutes late and we couldn't really tell her, cause you know, elopement problems aren't really a high point to put on a resume. Our supervisor called shortly thereafter and said she was on her way. And maybe you had to be there, but is was really comical at the end of the meeting when the Joblink lady assured us that if for some reason she was going to be late to the next meeting, she would be sure to call and let us know well in advance.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Happy Birthday to Emily!!
Not that I forgot to get her present in the mail, but I wouldn't want Ben or Katie to think that I was giving preferential treatment... Seriously, I am TERRIBLE when it comes to getting birthday cards, gifts, etc, in the mail. So following along with the precedent I set back in February with Ben's birthday, here is a birthday blog shout out to Miss Em! Love ya girl!!!! Here is a monkey skull and crossbones just for you! (Yes, I know you hate it Mimi, but it's not your birthday is it???)
Monday, April 13, 2009
"Cinemax is Boring"
Well today was another interesting day in our lives. It started out just fine and was happening along with no bumps in the road until Mr. "I ran up a $200 bill calling 900 numbers and then asked to go look at porn at the library" asked Lowell to take him out. He was very casual about it and didn't want to say where he wanted to go, only "I'll tell you when we get there." Well, since anybody who actually knows how to drive knows that it is somewhat helpful to know in advance where you are driving, we pushed the issue.
He finally confided to Lowell that he wanted to go to a local store, whose slogan is "where fun and fantasy meet reality." Ummm, hello, not really our idea of the best place to stimulate the economy, but technically, I guess he is an adult and does have the right to go there, but we questioned whether we had the responsibility to take him.
I called our supervisor and filled her in on the request and she very reasonably responded, "No." Well, as you can imagine, this was not an acceptable response. We talked about the fact that we are having a meeting tomorrow and will put this on the agenda to formalize whether or not this is a place where he can hang out alone, or if he has to have a staff member with him, or if he can even go at all. BUT, he didn't want to talk about it tomorrow. He yelled and cussed and took off down the street. In the meantime, the other roommate is crying and "sad" and is having a hard time digesting what is happening. So I leave Lowell and go out to locate the runaway.
He didn't look quite so far away when I first saw him. But after catching up with him, I was tired, and far from home. For whatever reason, I called out to him and he turned around and started walking back home with me (well kind of with me, we were heading the same direction and that's all that mattered). Once we were back home, he continued to insist that he was going to this store tonight - even if he had to walk. I'm still not sure what that was all about. If he was going to walk, why did he turn around and come home? We were halfway there. Which is probably what made us realize this was an empty threat. He was tired too.
After about thirty minutes of yelling at our supervisor on the phone, and making statements like "Cinemax is boring," he gave up, began to laugh, and asked if Lowell would take him grocery shopping. We were too worn down to argue. He got to go the store, but as you know, there is not a lot of fun or fantasy when shopping for groceries, only reality.
He finally confided to Lowell that he wanted to go to a local store, whose slogan is "where fun and fantasy meet reality." Ummm, hello, not really our idea of the best place to stimulate the economy, but technically, I guess he is an adult and does have the right to go there, but we questioned whether we had the responsibility to take him.
I called our supervisor and filled her in on the request and she very reasonably responded, "No." Well, as you can imagine, this was not an acceptable response. We talked about the fact that we are having a meeting tomorrow and will put this on the agenda to formalize whether or not this is a place where he can hang out alone, or if he has to have a staff member with him, or if he can even go at all. BUT, he didn't want to talk about it tomorrow. He yelled and cussed and took off down the street. In the meantime, the other roommate is crying and "sad" and is having a hard time digesting what is happening. So I leave Lowell and go out to locate the runaway.
He didn't look quite so far away when I first saw him. But after catching up with him, I was tired, and far from home. For whatever reason, I called out to him and he turned around and started walking back home with me (well kind of with me, we were heading the same direction and that's all that mattered). Once we were back home, he continued to insist that he was going to this store tonight - even if he had to walk. I'm still not sure what that was all about. If he was going to walk, why did he turn around and come home? We were halfway there. Which is probably what made us realize this was an empty threat. He was tired too.
After about thirty minutes of yelling at our supervisor on the phone, and making statements like "Cinemax is boring," he gave up, began to laugh, and asked if Lowell would take him grocery shopping. We were too worn down to argue. He got to go the store, but as you know, there is not a lot of fun or fantasy when shopping for groceries, only reality.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
We're Not in the Bible Belt Anymore
The first Sunday we were here in Kansas, we visited a local church and went out to lunch afterward. We didn't know really where many restaurants were and we live close to On The Border, so we went there. We walked in, said we had three in our party, and were immediately seated. We saw other diners at five or six tables but the rest of the restaurant was virtually empty. We all three noticed and commented on how odd it was that on Sunday after church we could just walk into a restaurant and not have to wait for a table. It was when one of us mentioned how in Arkansas we would have had to wait at least half an hour at On The Border after church on Sunday that the reason struck us. We aren't in the Bible Belt anymore. Nobody goes to lunch after church, because nobody goes to church. (And yes, that is an exaggeration. Of course there are churches and people in them, it's just way different here.)
And then tonight, Lowell and I were watching the news. And by the way, we cannot find a decent weatherman in this town. I think I would do a better job. It's like they look out the window and see it's raining and then say, "Looks like rain today. Take an umbrella!" So honestly, we are relying more on the weather channel for our predictions and watching very little local news. But tonight it was on for some reason and we were catching bits and pieces. Lowell and I both were startled though when we heard the weatherman say, "Looks like rain this weekend. The holiday may be in jeopardy."
Hold on, the holiday may be in jeopardy? Well, yeah, this holiday has been in jeopardy for years but it isn't because it might rain. It's because it's about Jesus! And people who don't get Jesus just don't get it. Jesus died. Jesus died a terrible, horrible, awful death. And he did it because He loves ME!!!! And He loves You! And then He was resurrected. He came back to life, so that we may have life. All I can say to that is WOW! I am humbled beyond belief when I think of what my Savior did for me. And on this one Sunday a year, we all get dressed up in new clothes, and go to church, and remember Jesus, and what Easter is about.
Yet we still live in a world where the weatherman says stupid things like "the holiday may be in jeopardy" because it may or may not rain. Tell me that our pretty dresses may get wet, or that we may have to hide the children's eggs indoors instead of outside, but I know that rain, or snow, or a tornado, tsunami, or hurricane doesn't change the fact that Jesus died and rose again, and we celebrate THAT on Easter Sunday.
Jesus overcame death, don't you think he can handle a little rain??
And then tonight, Lowell and I were watching the news. And by the way, we cannot find a decent weatherman in this town. I think I would do a better job. It's like they look out the window and see it's raining and then say, "Looks like rain today. Take an umbrella!" So honestly, we are relying more on the weather channel for our predictions and watching very little local news. But tonight it was on for some reason and we were catching bits and pieces. Lowell and I both were startled though when we heard the weatherman say, "Looks like rain this weekend. The holiday may be in jeopardy."
Hold on, the holiday may be in jeopardy? Well, yeah, this holiday has been in jeopardy for years but it isn't because it might rain. It's because it's about Jesus! And people who don't get Jesus just don't get it. Jesus died. Jesus died a terrible, horrible, awful death. And he did it because He loves ME!!!! And He loves You! And then He was resurrected. He came back to life, so that we may have life. All I can say to that is WOW! I am humbled beyond belief when I think of what my Savior did for me. And on this one Sunday a year, we all get dressed up in new clothes, and go to church, and remember Jesus, and what Easter is about.
Yet we still live in a world where the weatherman says stupid things like "the holiday may be in jeopardy" because it may or may not rain. Tell me that our pretty dresses may get wet, or that we may have to hide the children's eggs indoors instead of outside, but I know that rain, or snow, or a tornado, tsunami, or hurricane doesn't change the fact that Jesus died and rose again, and we celebrate THAT on Easter Sunday.
Jesus overcame death, don't you think he can handle a little rain??
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
For a Good Time, Call...
This past weekend, our day staff called in due to a death in the family, so Lowell and I had to put in a few extra hours. The guys were cool, caused no trouble, and hung out in their rooms a lot. On Friday night, I was watching television in the living room and thought I heard the phone beeping. I looked around, but then realized that it was upstairs. I watched the phone's base and noticed that the red "in use" light was on for quite some time. Then it went off, then came back on. This happened several times, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out who he was calling. He NEVER spends time on the phone.
On Saturday night, this same cycle repeated. I wasn't too terribly worried, because there is a restriction on the phone that prohibits long distance calls. My greatest fear was that he was dialing numbers at random and prank calling people. And as much as that is irritating, he was causing no trouble, and he wasn't saying anything, so I just assumed if he is calling, he is just listening and then hanging up. One thought that flashed through my mind was the story line that the library used to have where you could call and listen to a story. (Whatever happened to that? Are we now expected to read to our children ourselves???)
On Sunday morning, I asked him who he had been calling. He just laughed and said, "I'll never tell." I joked with him asking if he had met a girlfriend on his recent Special Olympics trip. He looked embarrassed but didn't really answer. There were no more calls made.
So today, the phone rings and the other guy answers it. (We always have him answer because he says, "hello" and then just proceeds to say his name and repeat back whatever the caller just said. If it's a telemarketer, they always hang up.) He goes through the routine with the caller and then hands me the phone. The lady on the other end says, "Hello this is Sheri with AT&T and I was just calling to verify some activity on the account." I immediately knew the "activity" of which she was speaking. Of course, since I am not the account holder, she couldn't give me any information, however, she let me guess. And I guessed correctly on the first try. Yes, there were approximately $200 worth of calls to a 900 number on Friday and Saturday night.
Once I caught my breath, I asked how this was possible since the line is restricted from making long distance calls. She informed me that there are two separate restrictions, one for long distance, one for 900 numbers. Oh give me a break - a 900 number is NOT long distance???? She allowed me to authorize putting the restrictions on the phone. (This was a case where it certainly helped for her to first talk to the person whose name is actually on the account and realize that she would get exactly nowhere with him.) She was very friendly and helpful, and I was extremely grateful that they called about this. She even called me back a few minutes later and argued my case for me and told me how to contact the business office when the bill comes in to have the charges removed. So even though I am not understanding how the calls went through and am greatly frustrated with AT&T, Sheri's professionalism and understanding went a long way with helping me actually feel helped!
Of course, when confronted with the $200 evidence of who he had been calling, he denied it. And then, of all things, he asks if Lowell will take him to the library to look up some "stuff" on the internet. Um, yeah, I'm thinking, not tonight.
On Saturday night, this same cycle repeated. I wasn't too terribly worried, because there is a restriction on the phone that prohibits long distance calls. My greatest fear was that he was dialing numbers at random and prank calling people. And as much as that is irritating, he was causing no trouble, and he wasn't saying anything, so I just assumed if he is calling, he is just listening and then hanging up. One thought that flashed through my mind was the story line that the library used to have where you could call and listen to a story. (Whatever happened to that? Are we now expected to read to our children ourselves???)
On Sunday morning, I asked him who he had been calling. He just laughed and said, "I'll never tell." I joked with him asking if he had met a girlfriend on his recent Special Olympics trip. He looked embarrassed but didn't really answer. There were no more calls made.
So today, the phone rings and the other guy answers it. (We always have him answer because he says, "hello" and then just proceeds to say his name and repeat back whatever the caller just said. If it's a telemarketer, they always hang up.) He goes through the routine with the caller and then hands me the phone. The lady on the other end says, "Hello this is Sheri with AT&T and I was just calling to verify some activity on the account." I immediately knew the "activity" of which she was speaking. Of course, since I am not the account holder, she couldn't give me any information, however, she let me guess. And I guessed correctly on the first try. Yes, there were approximately $200 worth of calls to a 900 number on Friday and Saturday night.
Once I caught my breath, I asked how this was possible since the line is restricted from making long distance calls. She informed me that there are two separate restrictions, one for long distance, one for 900 numbers. Oh give me a break - a 900 number is NOT long distance???? She allowed me to authorize putting the restrictions on the phone. (This was a case where it certainly helped for her to first talk to the person whose name is actually on the account and realize that she would get exactly nowhere with him.) She was very friendly and helpful, and I was extremely grateful that they called about this. She even called me back a few minutes later and argued my case for me and told me how to contact the business office when the bill comes in to have the charges removed. So even though I am not understanding how the calls went through and am greatly frustrated with AT&T, Sheri's professionalism and understanding went a long way with helping me actually feel helped!
Of course, when confronted with the $200 evidence of who he had been calling, he denied it. And then, of all things, he asks if Lowell will take him to the library to look up some "stuff" on the internet. Um, yeah, I'm thinking, not tonight.
Monday, April 6, 2009
What Do You Say to That???
Tonight we ordered pizza from Papa Murphy's (one of our favorite places). We asked the guys what kind of pizza they wanted and they each chose one kind. When Lowell arrived home with it, he went upstairs and informed Mr. Mediterranean Chicken Herb Delite that his pizza was here. Lowell was told to put the pizza in the freezer and he would make it later. About 45 minutes later, this same guys who didn't want his pizza bounces downstairs and says, "Is the pizza ready?" I just looked at him in shock for a minute and then responded that we were of the understanding that he didn't want his yet and therefore it was in the freezer. He looks at me like I am crazy and says, "Yeah, I don't want mine yet, I was planning on eating some of (downstairs roommate's) and then fixing mine later when he's asleep so I don't have to share." Now I am normally very quick with a response, but what do you even say to that???? Mr. I want to have my pizza and eat it too!
Sharing this conversation with Lowell, we started talking about some of our favorite "what do you say to that" stories. Here are a couple.
We had a new guy move into the group home who was relatively high functioning. He was carrying a copy of the manual for the Arkansas Driving Test. He very politely asked me if I would help him study. (We had previously had a client with his license, so this wasn't a terribly odd request.) We set a time that I would sit down with him and go over the book together. When that time came, he pulled out the manual, handed it to me, and when I opened it up, he said, "Oh yeah, first can you teach me to read?" Hmmmmm, probably not....
When Joshua was very young, we were serving one young man who, in Joshua's defense, did sometimes seem very feminine. Joshua asked him, "Are you a boy or a girl?" This guy thought for a minute and responded, "Of course I'm a boy. And I know I am because I live in the boy's hall." Guess that answered that.
One of my favorite lines though has to be the time that one client got into a fist fight with another. We were at the emergency room waiting for the physician to come in and examine his eye, which was already immensely swollen and all colors of blue and purple. It looked really awful and the whole side of his face was quickly swelling. I must interject here that the other guy didn't have a scratch on him and we were at the local ER. We were discussing the fight and what caused it and how there are really better options for settling differences, when he looks up at me and says, "If the fight hadn't been stopped, I could have taken him. He hits like a girl!" Umm, yeah, maybe Laila Ali or something. He looked more like he'd been hit by a freight train, but whatever, hang on to that pride.
And then there was the sixty-year-old lady with Down Syndrome, who thought Lowell was a real "looker" but assured me on a regular basis that I had no need to worry, she "respected me too much to take my husband from me." Yeah, thanks, I feel much better now.
Sharing this conversation with Lowell, we started talking about some of our favorite "what do you say to that" stories. Here are a couple.
We had a new guy move into the group home who was relatively high functioning. He was carrying a copy of the manual for the Arkansas Driving Test. He very politely asked me if I would help him study. (We had previously had a client with his license, so this wasn't a terribly odd request.) We set a time that I would sit down with him and go over the book together. When that time came, he pulled out the manual, handed it to me, and when I opened it up, he said, "Oh yeah, first can you teach me to read?" Hmmmmm, probably not....
When Joshua was very young, we were serving one young man who, in Joshua's defense, did sometimes seem very feminine. Joshua asked him, "Are you a boy or a girl?" This guy thought for a minute and responded, "Of course I'm a boy. And I know I am because I live in the boy's hall." Guess that answered that.
One of my favorite lines though has to be the time that one client got into a fist fight with another. We were at the emergency room waiting for the physician to come in and examine his eye, which was already immensely swollen and all colors of blue and purple. It looked really awful and the whole side of his face was quickly swelling. I must interject here that the other guy didn't have a scratch on him and we were at the local ER. We were discussing the fight and what caused it and how there are really better options for settling differences, when he looks up at me and says, "If the fight hadn't been stopped, I could have taken him. He hits like a girl!" Umm, yeah, maybe Laila Ali or something. He looked more like he'd been hit by a freight train, but whatever, hang on to that pride.
And then there was the sixty-year-old lady with Down Syndrome, who thought Lowell was a real "looker" but assured me on a regular basis that I had no need to worry, she "respected me too much to take my husband from me." Yeah, thanks, I feel much better now.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Who Needs a Fancy Curtain Rod??
When we first moved in, we noticed the curtains on the guys' side right away. Well, I guess I should say window coverings. In the kitchen, there is a big fleece blanket hung with thumbtacks. The living room actually has real curtains, but they're velcroed to the wall. (Apparently a lot of these consumer-served homes have velcro curtains.) It's not the most aesthetically pleasing way to hang them, but it's better than getting whacked on the head with a big curtain rod when they are pulled down.
And they get pulled down frequently. I always try to say that we were just letting a little sun shine in. The curtains in the living room can be opened and tied back, if we ever decided to operate them that way. However, the blanket in the kitchen is just one big "panel" so to speak so there is no "opening" them. I was trying to persuade the chef of the house that we needed real
curtains in the kitchen so we can open them during the day.
He promptly demonstrated how to rip up the sides of the blanket to make your own tie-backs. So, instead of having light come in the middles, it comes in through the sides. It's interesting. He's offered to come over to our side of the house and bring his curtain-making talents. So far, we've resisted the temptation.
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