When we first moved into the group home in Arkansas, we quickly noticed that every day was pretty much the same as the last. We would have the same arguments, the same dialogue, the same problems, the same excitements, etc. We could almost script what the morning was going to be - we knew who would emerge from their room first, what they would be wearing and the first thing they would say. It got almost comical. At one point, when someone asked what our life was like, I answered that it was kind of like the movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray.
If you have seen the movie, then you know that he repeats the same day over and over. He tries to change things up a bit, but is largely unsuccessful at changing any outcomes. That was by far the best way to sum up our lives.
One of my favorite stories is of one lady who came out every morning, looked at me and said, "How'd you meet your husband?" I would tell her the story, then she would look at Lowell and say, "How'd you meet your wife?" This went on daily. Several days into it, I started adding details here and there that were really pretty insignificant, but just trying to make it more fun. (It is a rather boring story...)
One day, I had tired of telling the story over and over, so I said, "Well, I was working at the zoo, and I was feeding the monkeys..." I proceeded to go into a long drawn out completely fictional story about how I met Lowell. She smiled and returned to her room. The next morning, she walked out of her room, looked at me and said, "You was feedin' them monkeys." She laughed hysterically and never again asked how we met. Seven years later, you could ask her how we met and she would laugh and say, "She was feedin' the monkeys!" I guess she was just waiting for a more interesting story and she liked that one.
When we left the group home, we thought life would change. And it did. Lowell likes to say that we went straight from "Groundhog Day", to "Groundhog Day on Steroids."
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Pet Therapy???
Last night we had a lady come over with her dog Sallie. They volunteer to come over once a month to have a therapeutic visit at our home. I'm pretty sure I don't even need to say more. But I will.
Apparently, past visits have not gone over too well with one of our guys in particular. He likes seeing dogs, just not up close. We have been preparing him for the last several weeks that Sallie the dog is coming. We even went out and bought a calendar and put a sticker of a dog on the 24th so that we could talk about it and remember how excited we are that Sallie the dog is coming for a visit.
When the doorbell rang, he jumped up, welcomed them in, and grabbed Sallie's leash to "hold her." We were all impressed that this visit was going so well. But all good things must come to an end. This lasted about five minutes. Like a brother, the other roommate knows exactly which buttons to push to cause a complete and total breakdown.
To set the scene, you need to know that hot dogs are a favorite meal in our house. And I mean just that. Eight hot dogs, no bun, no side items. (We TRY!!!!! I promise we put fruit out and make vegetables, and we hide half the hot dogs, but he knows, and he finds them...) Oh, that we could just eat hot dogs every night. Life would be so very happy.
Since we have had such a good couple of weeks, and we were so excited that Sallie the dog was coming, we decided it would be a hot dog night. Happy doesn't begin to describe the mood. So the hot dogs are boiling, Sallie the dog is visiting and all is right with the world, until... the antagonist upstairs says, "Hey, how about giving Sallie some hot dogs?" The reaction to this statement was very similar to taking a pacifier from a baby. Or a paycheck from an adult. It was bad. And that's when all the happiness in the house went out the door.
He actually held it together better than he has in the past. However, I think Sallie did have some flashbacks to her days when she was an abused puppy (not that he laid a hand on her, cause God forbid he actually touch the dog - we were witnessing a miracle when he held the leash). It didn't take long for Sallie and her owner to clue in that it might not be best to hang out any longer.
Sallie will be back next month. I guess we need to start preparing for that. And we'll be sure that hot dogs are not on the menu.
Apparently, past visits have not gone over too well with one of our guys in particular. He likes seeing dogs, just not up close. We have been preparing him for the last several weeks that Sallie the dog is coming. We even went out and bought a calendar and put a sticker of a dog on the 24th so that we could talk about it and remember how excited we are that Sallie the dog is coming for a visit.
When the doorbell rang, he jumped up, welcomed them in, and grabbed Sallie's leash to "hold her." We were all impressed that this visit was going so well. But all good things must come to an end. This lasted about five minutes. Like a brother, the other roommate knows exactly which buttons to push to cause a complete and total breakdown.
To set the scene, you need to know that hot dogs are a favorite meal in our house. And I mean just that. Eight hot dogs, no bun, no side items. (We TRY!!!!! I promise we put fruit out and make vegetables, and we hide half the hot dogs, but he knows, and he finds them...) Oh, that we could just eat hot dogs every night. Life would be so very happy.
Since we have had such a good couple of weeks, and we were so excited that Sallie the dog was coming, we decided it would be a hot dog night. Happy doesn't begin to describe the mood. So the hot dogs are boiling, Sallie the dog is visiting and all is right with the world, until... the antagonist upstairs says, "Hey, how about giving Sallie some hot dogs?" The reaction to this statement was very similar to taking a pacifier from a baby. Or a paycheck from an adult. It was bad. And that's when all the happiness in the house went out the door.
He actually held it together better than he has in the past. However, I think Sallie did have some flashbacks to her days when she was an abused puppy (not that he laid a hand on her, cause God forbid he actually touch the dog - we were witnessing a miracle when he held the leash). It didn't take long for Sallie and her owner to clue in that it might not be best to hang out any longer.
Sallie will be back next month. I guess we need to start preparing for that. And we'll be sure that hot dogs are not on the menu.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Maybe "shortcuts" aren't the best idea
One of the guys with whom we live is very particular about the roads we take and the direction we go when we are out in town. He knows we aren't from around here and is constantly taking us on "shortcuts." These shortcuts have been most interesting.
On the way to the movie, we took a back street and then turned into the JCPenney parking lot. Mind you, we could see the theatre, but he really wanted to show us how to avoid all of the traffic signals. I guess he doesn't mind speed bumps, cars going 5 miles per hour, and shoppers crossing (we explained that they truly do have the right of way and we have to stop.) This particular shortcut irritated me greatly, as we were late already and now we were circling the parking lot instead of staying on a main road.
On another occasion, we drove through an apartment complex's parking lot. It was very similar to the JCPenney experience. He tried to get Lowell to drive through an empty dirt lot once, but Joshua put his foot down about that.
But my favorite of these events is when Lowell took him to play basketball at the community building downtown. As they were leaving, Mr. GPS told Lowell the easy way to get out of the area was to pull around back and turn right. Having only lived in Lawrence two weeks, Lowell did it. It only took seconds for him to notice the blue lights come on right behind him. As Lowell pulled over and visited with the officer, he explained that he was new in town and didn't know his way around very well yet, and was very sorry that he was going the wrong way on the One Way street. Luckily, the officer was accommodating, maybe because he had had past personal experience with our version of Mapquest, and he understood the challenges Lowell was up against.
We have learned that pre-teaching is important. Not just about where we are going, but also exactly how we are going to get there. We will drive through an occasional parking lot, but we are pretty adamant about not breaking any laws. We will acknowledge that, generally speaking, there is more that one way to do something, unless you are on a One Way street.
On the way to the movie, we took a back street and then turned into the JCPenney parking lot. Mind you, we could see the theatre, but he really wanted to show us how to avoid all of the traffic signals. I guess he doesn't mind speed bumps, cars going 5 miles per hour, and shoppers crossing (we explained that they truly do have the right of way and we have to stop.) This particular shortcut irritated me greatly, as we were late already and now we were circling the parking lot instead of staying on a main road.
On another occasion, we drove through an apartment complex's parking lot. It was very similar to the JCPenney experience. He tried to get Lowell to drive through an empty dirt lot once, but Joshua put his foot down about that.
But my favorite of these events is when Lowell took him to play basketball at the community building downtown. As they were leaving, Mr. GPS told Lowell the easy way to get out of the area was to pull around back and turn right. Having only lived in Lawrence two weeks, Lowell did it. It only took seconds for him to notice the blue lights come on right behind him. As Lowell pulled over and visited with the officer, he explained that he was new in town and didn't know his way around very well yet, and was very sorry that he was going the wrong way on the One Way street. Luckily, the officer was accommodating, maybe because he had had past personal experience with our version of Mapquest, and he understood the challenges Lowell was up against.
We have learned that pre-teaching is important. Not just about where we are going, but also exactly how we are going to get there. We will drive through an occasional parking lot, but we are pretty adamant about not breaking any laws. We will acknowledge that, generally speaking, there is more that one way to do something, unless you are on a One Way street.
Monday, February 23, 2009
The Power of a Shower
Working in this field with developmentally disabled individuals, one thing we have seen over and over is a strong dislike for showers. This is not true for all, as we did have a few in the old group home who loved showers. Then we had those, not unlike Joshua, who hated them until they were in one and then wouldn't get out until the hot water ran out. But for the most part, the individuals with whom we work would never shower if the choice were completely left up to them. The two guys we work with now fall into that category.
There are certain tricks to getting these guys in the shower. One guy will shower with a little bribery - oops, I mean intermittent praise and rewards for doing what is asked. The other will shower when he is getting to go somewhere that he wants to go.
So this morning, we are all trying our best to get some showers going. And, we are being very unsuccessful. Lowell goes upstairs to try to convince Camelot to shower, but he immediately comes back down and says, "There's no way I would shower in that bathroom either." So that it doesn't look like we have completely neglected the cleanliness of the upstairs, I need to say that this bathroom was nowhere near this state just last week. He has been living on his own upstairs for the past month and is relatively independent. He assured us on Friday that he had cleaned it, we glanced at it, and it wasn't too bad. This mess happened fast!!!! Even though we both knew better, Lowell convinced me to go upstairs with him, just to have an extra eye witness in case someone died while cleaning. Nasty doesn't even begin to describe the sight I saw, and I won't begin to go into it in case anyone reading has a gag reflex like mine. This was definitely a job for Lowell.
He went back over to our side of the house and re-emerged a few minutes later ready for combat. He had on his gloves, his old clothes, and his Vicks® VapoRub® ointment. He walks by and the scent immediately takes me back to the days when I was too sick to go to scho
ol and stayed with grandma. Vicks website proudly proclaims that the VapoRub is the #1-selling product for ages 2 and up in the cold category. What they don't tell you is that it also will keep you from gagging if you are cleaning a disgusting bathroom, or any other smelly job. Just slather a little from the tip of your nose to the top of your lip and it works miracles.
I did worry a little about what would happen if Lowell died in there. I sure wasn't going to go in for him. I thought about tying a rope to his ankles like the ancient priests did before they went into the Holy Place so I could just pull him out in case something did happen. In the end, we decided against that and he just went for it. About two hours later, he emerged victorious.
And unlike the other two men in the house, he didn't give me any trouble at all about taking a shower. As a matter of fact, I didn't even have to ask.
There are certain tricks to getting these guys in the shower. One guy will shower with a little bribery - oops, I mean intermittent praise and rewards for doing what is asked. The other will shower when he is getting to go somewhere that he wants to go.
So this morning, we are all trying our best to get some showers going. And, we are being very unsuccessful. Lowell goes upstairs to try to convince Camelot to shower, but he immediately comes back down and says, "There's no way I would shower in that bathroom either." So that it doesn't look like we have completely neglected the cleanliness of the upstairs, I need to say that this bathroom was nowhere near this state just last week. He has been living on his own upstairs for the past month and is relatively independent. He assured us on Friday that he had cleaned it, we glanced at it, and it wasn't too bad. This mess happened fast!!!! Even though we both knew better, Lowell convinced me to go upstairs with him, just to have an extra eye witness in case someone died while cleaning. Nasty doesn't even begin to describe the sight I saw, and I won't begin to go into it in case anyone reading has a gag reflex like mine. This was definitely a job for Lowell.
He went back over to our side of the house and re-emerged a few minutes later ready for combat. He had on his gloves, his old clothes, and his Vicks® VapoRub® ointment. He walks by and the scent immediately takes me back to the days when I was too sick to go to scho
ol and stayed with grandma. Vicks website proudly proclaims that the VapoRub is the #1-selling product for ages 2 and up in the cold category. What they don't tell you is that it also will keep you from gagging if you are cleaning a disgusting bathroom, or any other smelly job. Just slather a little from the tip of your nose to the top of your lip and it works miracles.I did worry a little about what would happen if Lowell died in there. I sure wasn't going to go in for him. I thought about tying a rope to his ankles like the ancient priests did before they went into the Holy Place so I could just pull him out in case something did happen. In the end, we decided against that and he just went for it. About two hours later, he emerged victorious.
And unlike the other two men in the house, he didn't give me any trouble at all about taking a shower. As a matter of fact, I didn't even have to ask.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Stimulating the Economy in Lawrence
I am so excited today because my mom is coming for a visit today. She was supposed to help me move, but plans changed when my grandfather had to have surgery the day after our move. Praise God, he is finally well enough to stay alone, so mom gets to come.
When we first began planning our move to Lawrence, my husband got on the internet to make sure there was a TJ Maxx close by. He knew that would soften the blow for my mom when we told her we were moving 7 hours away. And it did somewhat. We could very literally walk to the local TJ Maxx. But I haven't gone yet. I wanted to save that experience for when mom came, with her checkbook. We'll hit it tomorrow (or quite possibly even tonight!) Her best friend offered to ride up here with her so she wouldn't have to drive alone, but we suspect the real reason is to check out the shopping scene. (And J - you know that you are welcome to come ANY time, with or without my mother. I would be just as happy to go shopping with you!)
Anyway, we are hoping that the action around the house this weekend is low key, so we can get out and hit the town.
When we first began planning our move to Lawrence, my husband got on the internet to make sure there was a TJ Maxx close by. He knew that would soften the blow for my mom when we told her we were moving 7 hours away. And it did somewhat. We could very literally walk to the local TJ Maxx. But I haven't gone yet. I wanted to save that experience for when mom came, with her checkbook. We'll hit it tomorrow (or quite possibly even tonight!) Her best friend offered to ride up here with her so she wouldn't have to drive alone, but we suspect the real reason is to check out the shopping scene. (And J - you know that you are welcome to come ANY time, with or without my mother. I would be just as happy to go shopping with you!)
Anyway, we are hoping that the action around the house this weekend is low key, so we can get out and hit the town.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A Rose is a Rose is a Rose
We had a good morning!!! And this does happen occasionally. A little more often here lately, but we are still walking on eggshells waiting for the next bomb to drop. So let me say what it's like when it's good.
Today we woke up happy and went for a ride. Lowell was invited along and he even was chosen to drive. And the ride was mostly without incident. I did drive the second half of the trip as there was a bit of tension building in the air.
As I am driving, I look over to see a big smile and I hear, "How am I doing lady? You prouda me?" When I tell him that he is doing so good and I am so proud of him, the next line is, "I'ma buy you some flowers. I'ma buy you a diamond ring." I hear this line a minimum of five times a day (even when things are bad, we still have our diamond ring moments). Lowell says that Jesus is waiting with a big ole diamond for my crown when I get to heaven and it's going to have this guy's name on it. That would be nice, as I am fairly certain there will be no diamond rings bought for me here. I am also fairly certain there will be no flowers. We did find some flowers at the Dollar Tree, and he bought them; but then he decided he would rather keep them than give them away. So no diamonds, no flowers, and that's okay with me.
Things are a little different for my mom back home. On the day before Valentine's Day, she calls and tells me she just got 72 roses and a marriage proposal. My immediate thought is not, "Congratulations;" it's, "what on earth does an arrangement with 72 roses even look like?"
After a long day of waiting, I finally got a picture. It is pretty incredible. Not that I wouldn't absolutely kill my husband if he paid that much for flowers, but hey, when it's not my money, go for it. So, back at home, my mom is engaged, my dad is engaged (he sends flowers to his fiancee all the time, for no reason) and the floral shops are staying busy. And here I am in Kansas getting empty promises from the guy next door. But that's okay, because even without the diamonds and roses, I am living a pretty full life with a husband who loves me and the greatest kid in the world. And truly, every day is a new adventure.
But just in case you are wondering, this is what 72 roses looks like:
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