From the guy with two kids - "My son is really good looking, and my daughter is, well, uh, you know, she's real smart."
Me: - "I'm sorry we can't go out, but we have to be quarantined due to Joshua having the swine flu."
One of the guys: "Ain't you guys ever heard of Halls or Vicks 44? Those'll take care of it."
The porn king: "Now see, I'm not one of those guys who looks at porn just for the fun of it. I have other reasons."
(like.... are you working with the FBI or something we don't know about??)
or how about this one: "Did you know if you shower a lot, your hair grows faster?"
And finally, after the house had been completely torn up, one of the guys pops up with, "I think he may need a few more pills." Uh, yeah, you think???